What is happening to me?

I'll cut to the chase- I'm bloated! Way bloated.

I realized Monday night in the shower that I didn't have ankles anymore. Not to brag, but I kind of have little ankles and I like them, so where did they go?? So of course all week my ankles have been swollen and they make my whole foot swollen, and it's so gross. Edema is the medical term, but gross is the appropriate reaction. So then this morning I tried to close my hands together, interlocking my fingers. Well, it was a little harder than you might imagine because now my fingers are retaining fluids. Blech! I already stopped wearing my rings so I hadn't noticed how much more fat they got.

It's not just my hands and feet. I swear the swelling has gone from my toes all the way up to my knees. I locked my knees last night and noticed that they felt funny, or actually fat. I had extra skin or something that was trying to decide which way to fold over. Gross. (I need a new word for gross).

The best part of all this swelling is when I sit a certain way or hold my legs or feet in a specific position, a really fun indention is made and stays for a while. It's getting ridiculous.

I would love to be able to count all my stretchmarks for you but unfortunately some are in places I just don't find acceptable so I'm trying to ignore those places. I will list where they are and to give you a visual, they aren't just one or two, they came out in full force. Here they are:
My boobs, all the way around
My love handles
My inner thigh close to bikini line and front of thigh
My inner thigh, working their way down to my knee
The inside and back of my knee
My lower abs, the last ones I got and the only ones I expected. There aren't many of them.
And last, my favorite place of all, my butt. The top of my butt, not all over the whole spread, thank goodness. I showed Miguel since 1) I can't see them except with a mirror and 2) we are so close (no modesty, nothing is embarrassing, we pee and poo in front of each other, etc.) and he said it was like I had butterfly wings above my butt. "Flying away." Hmmm... I can't tell if he was making a joke or trying to make the situation better. I'll go with the latter just so I have a dad for my baby. And I hope they will be "flying away" after birth or I'm going to have to get a tattoo on my lower back, or more commonly known as a tramp stamp.

I keep thinking I'm in the early stage of labor cause something will happen that happened to someone else but I am always disappointed. Keep in mind I don't know what real contractions will feel like and I assume my water won't break, so I'm at a loss here. Some things that I assume are sending me into labor include:
My bowels working over time to clear themselves out
Braxton Hicks, of course
Waiting for a few hours to pee so I have a sample for the DR and then my baby bouncing on my bladder so I think I'm having contractions on the right side of my body, front and back.
Swelling of various body parts
Swelling going down because I laid in bed for 12 hours
Stuff in my bath water - Gross possibly, but it was nothing of relevance, just stuff. So now I spend a lot of time hanging out in the tub to see if anything else wants to wander out.
The urge to clean - "urge" being the primary word. But I feel like major cleaning and organizing might happen this weekend.
My uterus measuring smaller, hence it is lower, hence he has dropped more
Going back to work to prepare for school starting - of course it'll start there so I have to depend on someone else to get me home. I really don't want to depend on others for that.
Walking - my classroom is a long way from the front of the school so it's a long waddle
Lastly, I went shopping yesterday and it made me walk and I walked and looked at things even if they weren't on my list to purchase. So all that walking and spending gave me a real high. I was gone for 5 hours doing various things and enjoying all the savings I got. And I swear that high I got was cause by oxytocin, the chemical that starts labor and contractions. But nothing happened. Boo. Maybe I should go again tomorrow. Or find bigger stores to walk in. I have to go to the grocery store but that never gives me a high, in fact it's a downer. (If you've read previous posts, you'll know why.)

So, I'm so surprised that my butt has spread so much my underwear cry for mercy. I'm surprised my thighs needed to expand to accommodate the arrival of my baby. I'm surprised at how much the damn scale at the DRs office says I've gained (water weight, for sure!). But I can't be pissy about it, I'm having a baby and I've been planning this so in the end, in a few months, I'll start my regimen of counting calories and working out again. Miguel has already started which isn't quite fair, but we can do this together. As long as I can get back to normal, not even skinny just normal, then I'll be good to go. And I'll be healthier for my baby, and that's important, right? Thank goodness it's a boy so I don't damage him with my self-image issues.

I'm going to put away purchases from yesterday and clean a little. I want to list what I got, tell you the original selling price total and how much I actually got it for. I bought a Bumbo seat, night and day bottle cooler/warmer, Medela single breast pump (motorized), caps for baby, clinical strength deodorant for me (not really on the list but you know), new ironing board cover, two nursing bras, a new cute nightgown (that can be worn with legging or bermudas and look decent), and mascara (free from Ulta with club points). It all cost $331.58 but I only paid $112.01 cash because I had gift cards, 10% off baby registry items, coupons, and special promos in store for the intimates bought at Penney's. I couldn't believe it! And I still can't believe that high and shock of saving 66% didn't send me into labor. Ah well.

So, I'll already have a tiny baby a week from today. If he doesn't come by Wednesday night, I'm being induced Thursday, August 20th, at 8 am. I can't believe it. This is my last Saturday to sleep in ever, my last weekend as not-a-mom, my last weekend before I forget what life was like BC (before children). I can't believe it - have I mentioned that already? And now I'm realizing that I'm just so anxious to get this going that I'm not scared or hesitant right now. I'm sure I will be before I get the epidural, but right now I'm just waiting for things to happen. *smiling to myself*

-Megan, almost there