Due to something that happened last night, I think I will not be nominated for Mother of the Year 2009. I'm okay with that since I already got Wife of the Year 2007-2008. That was the period of time in which Miguel was so badly injured and life as we knew it changed. (I'm still so glad it was his arm and not a leg or worse!) A friend told me I earned a few jewels in my crown for the way I handled, supported, and cared for Miguel during those many months. I like to think they are big, shiny, colorful jewels, but I can't be greedy. I didn't even know at the time that I was doing anything of the sort; I just had to do what I could to get us through it. Anyway, I'm rambling and I have to explain why "becoming a mother" won't an easy transition for me.
Let me start with lately I have been telling my cat to stop meowing. He is so vocal. We never had a gray tabby in my family, always orange cats, and I don't remember them meowing so much. But this one... *eye roll*... he makes me crazy, especially while I'm "in the family way." So I know that if I can't handle his noise, how will I handle a baby's noise?? You mothers may think that it'll be different and I'll be able to deal with it, but that remains to be seen. So, yelling at the cat is one reason I'm not getting Mother (or at least Nurturer) of the Year.
My baby likes to rock and roll at night. I figured I'd try the one thing I hadn't done- sing. I have the worst voice, I don't even really sing at church because my voice is not heavenly, ha. So I lay there, in my bed, flat as can be since my back will ache otherwise, and I'm rubbing my stomach (which doesn't calm him, neither does gentle patting or belly shaking or pushing body parts back in) and I'm trying to think of a song to sing. I'm so not a cuddler/hugger/gentle person and I'm not singing those sappy baby songs. I don't even know that many, but I can only get so far with "Hush little baby" before I'm sick of it and realize I never learned all the words. So I'm thinking, thinking. And then a song I really like and know the words to pops in my head.
"The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" by Reba McEntire.
How appropriate is that to sing to a baby?? I mean it has a good lesson and storyline, but not exactly a baby song. So I'm done with that song, proud that I got it all correct, and he's still moving a little. I keep thinking of what's on my iPod but I realize unless I hear the song, I don't know the words at the moment. PLS (Pregnant Lady Syndrome) again. Then I get another country song in my mind. I DO know all the words to this one.
"Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks.
Ha ha ha ha, I can't help but laugh thinking of the image of me singing these songs to my unborn baby. Why don't I know any other songs?? Again, this is a song in which you can learn a lesson and who doesn't love to sing it? For anyone who is familiar with the live version of the song, I didn't sing the last verse where Garth says "... and you can kiss my ass." I didn't sing it because I can't quite remember how the verse goes except that line, really.
Two more I kind of tried were "Stay" by Lisa Loeb and "I Want it That Way" by the Backstreet Boys. I thought of Pink, who is not appropriate for babies and I just couldn't remember all the lines to "Indian Outlaw" by Tim McGraw. But I gave up at that point and figured if I was singing it in my head he could tell- I mean we share a body so surely he can sense what I'm thinking.
I knew those weren't the greatest songs to sing to my child, but it was my voice and touch (I rubbed my belly throughout the songs). And I tried to sing a little of some other songs I like that make me think of baby and happiness. I just made a whole CD of songs that are sappy or make me think of baby. And I didn't dare get my iPod because anytime I move I have to pee and I wasn't sure where my earbuds were, plus I didn't want to jostle the baby in case he was calming down.
I just now realized I could have sung "Part of Your World" from the Little Mermaid, or "A Whole New World" from Aladdin, but darn it I didn't think of it then. Or even "I'm a Survivor" by Reba. I shall try those next time; they're way more appropriate.
(There are a few songs I KNOW I won't have a hard time singing- Christmas songs. I love Christmas music and "Christmas in Dixie" by Alabama will be one of the first my little boy will hear. I'm excited for that.)
But at some point he took mercy on me and settled down. Then my restless legs kicked in. They get all twitchy and itch here and there. It's ridiculous. I just don't know what I am going to do when this baby comes out (something I very much want to happen) but what kind of person am I going to be if I'm already unpleasant and rude now? And that's pre-pregnancy. I've never been very social or outwardly loving or initiated hugs. I'm guessing having a little baby will change some of those things, but don't expect me to be gracious and pleasant too soon afterward. And don't show off your Mother of the Year crown and sash in front of me because sometimes I say rude things and can't take them back. Just try to be a quiet example for me and I'm much more likely to notice and follow suit.
And here are some songs I wish I'd remembered last night:
Chattahoochee by Alan Jackson
Moon River by Audrey Hepburn
All My Loving by the Beatles
The Devil Went Down to Georgia by the Charlie Daniels Band
I'll Take Care of You by the Dixie Chicks
Rio by Duran Duran
The Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks
Carried Away by George Strait
Mmmbop by Hanson
I'll Be There by the Jackson 5
Cosmic Girl by Jamiroquai
Who Will Save Your Soul by Jewel
Only A Man by Jonny Lang
I'm Alive by Kenny Chesney
Rock With You by Michael Jackson
Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding
Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen
Love's Divine by Seal
Superstition by Stevie Wonder
Papa was a Rollin' Stone by the Temptations
When the Stars go Blue by Tim McGraw
How Do you Like me Now? by Toby Keith
Africa by Toto
I'll work on learning some appropriate and calming songs, or parts of them, over the next few weeks.
-Megan, NOT Mother of the Year... yet
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
You're going to feel some pressure
The DRs always say we'll feel some pressure and it's very true. I went for my 36 week checkup and was finally examined. I was so hoping to find out that something was going on down there. And I am happy to report that I am 1 cm dilated (she could stick one finger in- oh joy), 50% effaced (my cervix has thinned to 50%- so exciting), and the baby is stationed at -2 (it goes from -5 to 0 which is engaged to +5 which is crowning). The station refers to how far into the pelvic bone the baby is moving his head so he's getting it down in there just like he should. I'm making much progress being only 4 weeks out.
Yea for my cervix! I look good to deliver around my due date, give a day or two, says the doctor. We'll see. But I can guarantee if he hasn't shown up by the morning of the 20th, I'll be walking, eating spicy food, and a few other things that I am too embarrassed to mention here. Imagine how intimate and embarrassing it could be if I'm too modest to reveal my induction techniques.
-Megan, 1 cm
Yea for my cervix! I look good to deliver around my due date, give a day or two, says the doctor. We'll see. But I can guarantee if he hasn't shown up by the morning of the 20th, I'll be walking, eating spicy food, and a few other things that I am too embarrassed to mention here. Imagine how intimate and embarrassing it could be if I'm too modest to reveal my induction techniques.
-Megan, 1 cm
Friday, July 17, 2009
Random stuff
So, I've been videotaping my stomach a lot lately. It moves and does weird things so I thought I'd share it. I've been waiting for some real good video but my camera darkens the shot a little for some reason so I've decided to just post the latest that I've taped. Watch the curvature of my belly to see the most movements. And while I am breathing, I kept my movements to a minimum so you could see the maximum pokes and prods from the inside. This is the 9 o'clock exercise hour because every night at about the same time he does this for up to 30 minutes. It feels great on my bladder and isn't the least bit uncomfortable. Hopefully it's viewable.
And here's a lovely little picture that was slipped into our Prepared Childbirth class books. It's quite professional and realistic if you ask me. You can see how other people have added things to the list because the handwriting is different and not as whimsical. I think the most accurate thing about this picture is the the uterus really does take up that much room. I can feel it and I'm pretty sure that's right. And also my thighs are that big. The most inaccurate thing is the look on the woman's face. She's expressing all these "changes & discomforts" and she's smiling? Thankfully I only have half these symptoms.
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4 1/2 weeks, people, 4 1/2 weeks. I'll finally be just one person again and this ever-lasting pregnancy will have ended. Everyone keeps telling me it seems like such a long pregnancy. How hard it must be on all of them to have to endure my pregnancy for so long. Wah!
-Megan, so close yet so far away
Monday, July 13, 2009
Who wants a puny baby?
At my doctor's visit last week, the DR measured my fundus (yeah- it's the top of my uterus from my pelvic bone) and said that things seemed to be right on track. I asked her when she'll guess his birth weight and length. I ask this because she very firmly squeezes and feels my stomach/uterus/mid-section every time making sure he's positioned right and can feel for certain body parts. She said right now he weighs about 4 1/2 pounds. (He'll gain about 1/2 a pound every week from now on.)
Then she said something else, still squeezing my stomach. She proudly said, "He won't be a wimpy baby when he's born." And something about how he'll be healthy and have lots of fat rolls, I can't remember it all exactly.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I thought that was a clever way of saying my baby wasn't puny and would be just fine. Not until later when I remembered the size of my husband's and my brother's heads did I worry. Both large heads now and at birth- not that it doesn't suit their body frame and all, but still... Fun times, fun times.
My mom saw the humor in her remark as well when I told her later. Then she shared this with family at my Dad's parents house the other day and my Grandma said, "I don't think he'll be a big baby." I was gobsmacked! Not just flabbergasted, but gobsmacked! She hasn't seen me since March, hasn't seen any pictures of me, and she certainly hasn't examined me. I guess it might be her age making her say things like that.
But what, does she want me to have a puny baby?! No thanks- I want mine to be the baby who rolls over on top of all the other infants and shows 'em who's boss!
Anyway, it was good to hear he's developing well, as much as we can tell, but that size scares me a little. Other news from my check-up is I'm really not gaining the weight like I used to, which is good for me to hear. I was concerned but maybe the baby is packing it on instead of me now. My blood pressure and his heart rate are all normal and good. At the next visit I get examined, measured, tested for Group B strep (don't ask, look it up), and Miguel comes with me so the DR can talk about when it's time to make that call!
I can't believe there are only 36 days left until my due date!
-Megan, of the big-heads
Then she said something else, still squeezing my stomach. She proudly said, "He won't be a wimpy baby when he's born." And something about how he'll be healthy and have lots of fat rolls, I can't remember it all exactly.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I thought that was a clever way of saying my baby wasn't puny and would be just fine. Not until later when I remembered the size of my husband's and my brother's heads did I worry. Both large heads now and at birth- not that it doesn't suit their body frame and all, but still... Fun times, fun times.
My mom saw the humor in her remark as well when I told her later. Then she shared this with family at my Dad's parents house the other day and my Grandma said, "I don't think he'll be a big baby." I was gobsmacked! Not just flabbergasted, but gobsmacked! She hasn't seen me since March, hasn't seen any pictures of me, and she certainly hasn't examined me. I guess it might be her age making her say things like that.
But what, does she want me to have a puny baby?! No thanks- I want mine to be the baby who rolls over on top of all the other infants and shows 'em who's boss!
Anyway, it was good to hear he's developing well, as much as we can tell, but that size scares me a little. Other news from my check-up is I'm really not gaining the weight like I used to, which is good for me to hear. I was concerned but maybe the baby is packing it on instead of me now. My blood pressure and his heart rate are all normal and good. At the next visit I get examined, measured, tested for Group B strep (don't ask, look it up), and Miguel comes with me so the DR can talk about when it's time to make that call!
I can't believe there are only 36 days left until my due date!
-Megan, of the big-heads
Some Things About Pregnancy
My senses have become heightened as I've been pregnant so I think I've noticed (and did not noticed) a few things that I will share.
I don't always feel special... like when I see other pregnant women. Jeez, is the world's population about to double or what? I'm over all those other pregnant people, except of course my friends who have been pregnant in recent months. It's okay for them. But I feel like I can't complain when I see other bellies poking out. I guess I'll have to get over that. And I'm sure I'll feel special when I actually have the baby out of me and I can start reducing my size. Ladies of little pregnancy knowledge, get this- your stomach doesn't go right down after birth, not even a week after birth. It slowly decreases and I had no idea since I haven't gotten to the "After Birth" chapter in my book!
My hair seems to hold up better and without as many washings than it used to. My face also cleared up. The pill kept my face tame, but the beginning of pregnancy, and every now and then, it would break out. So if my hair and face look decent now, what will it look like after the baby comes and I am too tired to wash at all??
I can be very unobservant. Twice in the last month I went to put my contacts in. I'm standing in the bathroom looking into the mirror and rubbing my eyeball with my finger trying to find that damn contact. Oh wait- I should be trying to take the damn contact out of the case and putting it ON my eye instead of slowly wiping away the top layer of my cornea. Jeez.
I'm obsessed with looking at pictures of friends baby's at certain months during their first year alive... so I can compare my child later on. It's not really to see who's kid is better, but to make sure mine isn't lagging behind. Of course, mine will be better, but I don't have to tell my friends that. And I know they're secretly comparing anyway.
My baby has hiccups every day. Not uncommon, but sometimes he gets them more than once a day. It must be what I'm eating but I feel like maybe he's having seizures or something and I can't do anything to stop them. I don't know... do they have seizures in the uterus?? Maybe I should just eat bland food from now on.
I have unsettling and morbid thoughts often. It's probably a bad idea to put them out here and I don't like for others to share those thoughts so I'll just say they are normal for pregnancy and unlikely to happen, but still I hate thinking such upsetting things.
I enjoy not putting on proper clothes. This might be a problem for folks who work, but I am completely alone during the day at home and I don't want to dirty any more clothes than I have to. I also don't want to have to wear the same damn maternity clothes all the time. I've outgrown some of them anyway. It's kind of pissing me off, although Miguel is kind enough to not care what my body looks like, especially when I dress like I'm in Europe with no dress code. And he means it so it helps; he also doesn't care if I put on pants or not.
I sweat. That goes along with not wearing pants, which can be a hassle when UPS rings the bell. "Hold on a minute... I have to put pants and a bra on." I don't say that last part out loud but I curse them for making me put on pants (probably dirty pants). I sweat, and I sweat in unladylike places, and I do it every day. I'm not embarrassed to say that because some of you totally know what I'm talking about. But it just gets a little un-fun sometimes, with the wearing of pants and sweating. Also I sweat in my bra apparently and didn't know it. I put on all these clean clothes the other day and thought, "Why do I still stink?" Well, the one bra I have that fits was being worn when I did laundry and didn't get clean. So I took it off, Febreezed it and put it back on. It's not like I really go anywhere.
People really piss me off. I hate to take to such strong language but it's just how I feel. This usually happens at a store. I mean, I am less then 6 weeks from having a baby, I'm showing, I'm big, I waddle (slightly), I'm slow and always look like I'm in pain and these old biddies still don't get out of my way. I've given into sighing real loud and pushing my cart around them, even if it means running into something in the process. I don't care because YOU AREN'T PREGNANT! I also wish I could put a giant sign on my car that tells everyone I am pregnant, hormonal, and back the hell off! I was tempted to get out of my car at a red light once to go speak to a man about his honking at me (because some other moron couldn't decide which flipping lane to get in and it bothered me). Anyway, I looked over at him, but he never looked my way (knowing full well that he honked at me!) so I decided to stay in my car. It ended my errands early that day. Seriously, I used to give all pregnant women the space and consideration they needed at the grocery store, and even the old people in their scooters who took up the whole aisle, but now I'm over it. I'M OVER IT and I'm not yielding to them anymore!
I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions and have been for 2 weeks now. They feel like menstrual cramps. (I call them "menstrual" cramps because it sounds more sophisticated than "period" cramps. Like it matters what I call them- they're cramps.) They've slowly gained in intensity and I'm not fond of them. I've heard that the beginning of contractions feel like menstrual cramps, and if that's the case I'm not interested. I keep having a vision of myself doubled over on the high school track in a fetal position due to insane cramping during my soccer class. It always came during soccer which I find ironic since the male coaches had no idea how awful it was. Those cramps really hurt. So back to the present... after a day of a few contractions here and there, I made Miguel look into my eyes and I said, "It's going to be bad. It is really going to be bad." I'm afraid he's not prepared.
I've gotten closer to some old friends of mine that I'd been neglecting. Lemon yogurt, toasted turkey sandwiches, watermelon, ice cream, and cereal. Aaaaannnd, most of those are good for me during this trying time in my life so I don't feel guilty about literally eating each of them at least once a day. And since I'm out of ice cream (that happens when you eat it every day) I made a chocolate bundt cake and drizzled cream cheese frosting over it and it is savory. *sigh* I am about to cry thinking about having to count calories in a few short weeks.
I don't cry a lot in the state I'm in (pregnancy, you know). I've had 2 or 3 complete breakdowns, by myself unless you count the concerned cat, and they weren't pretty. Once I even looked at myself in the mirror to see if it looked gross, and the mirror cringed. It usually stems from something that Miguel innocently did or said, but because I expect him to spend his free time with me (only when I want him to) or do simple things around here for me, I get a little upset when he does something otherwise. Then I cry alone, heaving my shoulders up and down uncontrollably, unable to stop, gasping for breath as the cat walks around me trying to figure out what's wrong. Then I'll stop crying, red in the face and exhausted, and I'm overcome with another wave of insensible bawling. It can last for 20 minutes.
*I did this after Miguel invited his mom to dinner that I had specially prepared for him as a sort of surprise. I felt bad for feeling the way I did, but he could tell something was wrong so he uninvited her (even worse); I guess they didn't hold it against me though, he said she said she understood and he needed to spend time with me. (I've been moaning and bitching at him for a while now to spend more time with me doing what I want to do- I don't think that's unreasonable.)
*Another time I did that was after I bought a maternity bathing suit and we had company over at the same time. It was my last day at work (a work day- no kids) and I went to take a bath, while ignoring everyone (I'd already been cordial earlier in the day), and I sobbed quietly in the tub considering returning the Large/Extra Large bathing suit that I'd been resigned to. Miguel successfully did it again, by asking my permission for another guest to come stay with us. I knew he'd already told the person yes, so I had no choice. I could tell Miguel was unnerved, concerned, and very confused, but he didn't know what to do to help. And he couldn't help really. It was all in my head and hormones.
Sssooooo, other than those two very memorable times, I haven't really been a crazed, hormone-driven maniac. I have gotten agitated, annoyed, bothered, pissed off, upset, incredulous, peeved, and I'm sure provoked by all those inconsiderate people in the grocery store. I get teary eyed reading or watching things about dead or severely injured soldiers. I hate that! I also get teary watching the ends of movies where things end happily ever after. But I can't say that I get like that often, and it's probably a good thing.
We went to our first prepared childbirth class last Monday night. I am pleased to announce that I am the most special of all the people there because I am the one closest to her due date. All the others are due in September or October. I'm thinking they'll forget some of the stuff they learned by that time. Anyway, I didn't learn a whole lot last week that I hadn't read in a book except for one very gross and important thing. We can request to see the placenta and attached amniotic sac once the afterbirth has been delivered. GROSS! But, I think we'll take a picture of it if we get the chance to see it. Can you imagine seeing the sac your baby grew in for nine months?? Weird, and gross. I may even share the picture here.
We go again tonight to our class and take a hospital tour. Fortunately for me, I've already been in a labor and delivery room, with my kidney infection and all. I think I'll stand back like a pro and let all the others (especially those uneducated baby daddies who ask crazy questions) take a gander. I do want to see the post birth rooms though. And if people don't get out of my way, I guess I can say, "Hey! Pregnant lady here, trying to get through!" I wonder if it will work?
If I should think of anything else to share, I'll be back to post. I always think of things to post but never want to come and post them because it takes too much effort. Ha.
-Megan, almost a mother
I don't always feel special... like when I see other pregnant women. Jeez, is the world's population about to double or what? I'm over all those other pregnant people, except of course my friends who have been pregnant in recent months. It's okay for them. But I feel like I can't complain when I see other bellies poking out. I guess I'll have to get over that. And I'm sure I'll feel special when I actually have the baby out of me and I can start reducing my size. Ladies of little pregnancy knowledge, get this- your stomach doesn't go right down after birth, not even a week after birth. It slowly decreases and I had no idea since I haven't gotten to the "After Birth" chapter in my book!
My hair seems to hold up better and without as many washings than it used to. My face also cleared up. The pill kept my face tame, but the beginning of pregnancy, and every now and then, it would break out. So if my hair and face look decent now, what will it look like after the baby comes and I am too tired to wash at all??
I can be very unobservant. Twice in the last month I went to put my contacts in. I'm standing in the bathroom looking into the mirror and rubbing my eyeball with my finger trying to find that damn contact. Oh wait- I should be trying to take the damn contact out of the case and putting it ON my eye instead of slowly wiping away the top layer of my cornea. Jeez.
I'm obsessed with looking at pictures of friends baby's at certain months during their first year alive... so I can compare my child later on. It's not really to see who's kid is better, but to make sure mine isn't lagging behind. Of course, mine will be better, but I don't have to tell my friends that. And I know they're secretly comparing anyway.
My baby has hiccups every day. Not uncommon, but sometimes he gets them more than once a day. It must be what I'm eating but I feel like maybe he's having seizures or something and I can't do anything to stop them. I don't know... do they have seizures in the uterus?? Maybe I should just eat bland food from now on.
I have unsettling and morbid thoughts often. It's probably a bad idea to put them out here and I don't like for others to share those thoughts so I'll just say they are normal for pregnancy and unlikely to happen, but still I hate thinking such upsetting things.
I enjoy not putting on proper clothes. This might be a problem for folks who work, but I am completely alone during the day at home and I don't want to dirty any more clothes than I have to. I also don't want to have to wear the same damn maternity clothes all the time. I've outgrown some of them anyway. It's kind of pissing me off, although Miguel is kind enough to not care what my body looks like, especially when I dress like I'm in Europe with no dress code. And he means it so it helps; he also doesn't care if I put on pants or not.
I sweat. That goes along with not wearing pants, which can be a hassle when UPS rings the bell. "Hold on a minute... I have to put pants and a bra on." I don't say that last part out loud but I curse them for making me put on pants (probably dirty pants). I sweat, and I sweat in unladylike places, and I do it every day. I'm not embarrassed to say that because some of you totally know what I'm talking about. But it just gets a little un-fun sometimes, with the wearing of pants and sweating. Also I sweat in my bra apparently and didn't know it. I put on all these clean clothes the other day and thought, "Why do I still stink?" Well, the one bra I have that fits was being worn when I did laundry and didn't get clean. So I took it off, Febreezed it and put it back on. It's not like I really go anywhere.
People really piss me off. I hate to take to such strong language but it's just how I feel. This usually happens at a store. I mean, I am less then 6 weeks from having a baby, I'm showing, I'm big, I waddle (slightly), I'm slow and always look like I'm in pain and these old biddies still don't get out of my way. I've given into sighing real loud and pushing my cart around them, even if it means running into something in the process. I don't care because YOU AREN'T PREGNANT! I also wish I could put a giant sign on my car that tells everyone I am pregnant, hormonal, and back the hell off! I was tempted to get out of my car at a red light once to go speak to a man about his honking at me (because some other moron couldn't decide which flipping lane to get in and it bothered me). Anyway, I looked over at him, but he never looked my way (knowing full well that he honked at me!) so I decided to stay in my car. It ended my errands early that day. Seriously, I used to give all pregnant women the space and consideration they needed at the grocery store, and even the old people in their scooters who took up the whole aisle, but now I'm over it. I'M OVER IT and I'm not yielding to them anymore!
I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions and have been for 2 weeks now. They feel like menstrual cramps. (I call them "menstrual" cramps because it sounds more sophisticated than "period" cramps. Like it matters what I call them- they're cramps.) They've slowly gained in intensity and I'm not fond of them. I've heard that the beginning of contractions feel like menstrual cramps, and if that's the case I'm not interested. I keep having a vision of myself doubled over on the high school track in a fetal position due to insane cramping during my soccer class. It always came during soccer which I find ironic since the male coaches had no idea how awful it was. Those cramps really hurt. So back to the present... after a day of a few contractions here and there, I made Miguel look into my eyes and I said, "It's going to be bad. It is really going to be bad." I'm afraid he's not prepared.
I've gotten closer to some old friends of mine that I'd been neglecting. Lemon yogurt, toasted turkey sandwiches, watermelon, ice cream, and cereal. Aaaaannnd, most of those are good for me during this trying time in my life so I don't feel guilty about literally eating each of them at least once a day. And since I'm out of ice cream (that happens when you eat it every day) I made a chocolate bundt cake and drizzled cream cheese frosting over it and it is savory. *sigh* I am about to cry thinking about having to count calories in a few short weeks.
I don't cry a lot in the state I'm in (pregnancy, you know). I've had 2 or 3 complete breakdowns, by myself unless you count the concerned cat, and they weren't pretty. Once I even looked at myself in the mirror to see if it looked gross, and the mirror cringed. It usually stems from something that Miguel innocently did or said, but because I expect him to spend his free time with me (only when I want him to) or do simple things around here for me, I get a little upset when he does something otherwise. Then I cry alone, heaving my shoulders up and down uncontrollably, unable to stop, gasping for breath as the cat walks around me trying to figure out what's wrong. Then I'll stop crying, red in the face and exhausted, and I'm overcome with another wave of insensible bawling. It can last for 20 minutes.
*I did this after Miguel invited his mom to dinner that I had specially prepared for him as a sort of surprise. I felt bad for feeling the way I did, but he could tell something was wrong so he uninvited her (even worse); I guess they didn't hold it against me though, he said she said she understood and he needed to spend time with me. (I've been moaning and bitching at him for a while now to spend more time with me doing what I want to do- I don't think that's unreasonable.)
*Another time I did that was after I bought a maternity bathing suit and we had company over at the same time. It was my last day at work (a work day- no kids) and I went to take a bath, while ignoring everyone (I'd already been cordial earlier in the day), and I sobbed quietly in the tub considering returning the Large/Extra Large bathing suit that I'd been resigned to. Miguel successfully did it again, by asking my permission for another guest to come stay with us. I knew he'd already told the person yes, so I had no choice. I could tell Miguel was unnerved, concerned, and very confused, but he didn't know what to do to help. And he couldn't help really. It was all in my head and hormones.
Sssooooo, other than those two very memorable times, I haven't really been a crazed, hormone-driven maniac. I have gotten agitated, annoyed, bothered, pissed off, upset, incredulous, peeved, and I'm sure provoked by all those inconsiderate people in the grocery store. I get teary eyed reading or watching things about dead or severely injured soldiers. I hate that! I also get teary watching the ends of movies where things end happily ever after. But I can't say that I get like that often, and it's probably a good thing.
We went to our first prepared childbirth class last Monday night. I am pleased to announce that I am the most special of all the people there because I am the one closest to her due date. All the others are due in September or October. I'm thinking they'll forget some of the stuff they learned by that time. Anyway, I didn't learn a whole lot last week that I hadn't read in a book except for one very gross and important thing. We can request to see the placenta and attached amniotic sac once the afterbirth has been delivered. GROSS! But, I think we'll take a picture of it if we get the chance to see it. Can you imagine seeing the sac your baby grew in for nine months?? Weird, and gross. I may even share the picture here.
We go again tonight to our class and take a hospital tour. Fortunately for me, I've already been in a labor and delivery room, with my kidney infection and all. I think I'll stand back like a pro and let all the others (especially those uneducated baby daddies who ask crazy questions) take a gander. I do want to see the post birth rooms though. And if people don't get out of my way, I guess I can say, "Hey! Pregnant lady here, trying to get through!" I wonder if it will work?
If I should think of anything else to share, I'll be back to post. I always think of things to post but never want to come and post them because it takes too much effort. Ha.
-Megan, almost a mother
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