Some Things About Pregnancy

My senses have become heightened as I've been pregnant so I think I've noticed (and did not noticed) a few things that I will share.

I don't always feel special... like when I see other pregnant women. Jeez, is the world's population about to double or what? I'm over all those other pregnant people, except of course my friends who have been pregnant in recent months. It's okay for them. But I feel like I can't complain when I see other bellies poking out. I guess I'll have to get over that. And I'm sure I'll feel special when I actually have the baby out of me and I can start reducing my size. Ladies of little pregnancy knowledge, get this- your stomach doesn't go right down after birth, not even a week after birth. It slowly decreases and I had no idea since I haven't gotten to the "After Birth" chapter in my book!

My hair seems to hold up better and without as many washings than it used to. My face also cleared up. The pill kept my face tame, but the beginning of pregnancy, and every now and then, it would break out. So if my hair and face look decent now, what will it look like after the baby comes and I am too tired to wash at all??

I can be very unobservant. Twice in the last month I went to put my contacts in. I'm standing in the bathroom looking into the mirror and rubbing my eyeball with my finger trying to find that damn contact. Oh wait- I should be trying to take the damn contact out of the case and putting it ON my eye instead of slowly wiping away the top layer of my cornea. Jeez.

I'm obsessed with looking at pictures of friends baby's at certain months during their first year alive... so I can compare my child later on. It's not really to see who's kid is better, but to make sure mine isn't lagging behind. Of course, mine will be better, but I don't have to tell my friends that. And I know they're secretly comparing anyway.

My baby has hiccups every day. Not uncommon, but sometimes he gets them more than once a day. It must be what I'm eating but I feel like maybe he's having seizures or something and I can't do anything to stop them. I don't know... do they have seizures in the uterus?? Maybe I should just eat bland food from now on.

I have unsettling and morbid thoughts often. It's probably a bad idea to put them out here and I don't like for others to share those thoughts so I'll just say they are normal for pregnancy and unlikely to happen, but still I hate thinking such upsetting things.

I enjoy not putting on proper clothes. This might be a problem for folks who work, but I am completely alone during the day at home and I don't want to dirty any more clothes than I have to. I also don't want to have to wear the same damn maternity clothes all the time. I've outgrown some of them anyway. It's kind of pissing me off, although Miguel is kind enough to not care what my body looks like, especially when I dress like I'm in Europe with no dress code. And he means it so it helps; he also doesn't care if I put on pants or not.

I sweat. That goes along with not wearing pants, which can be a hassle when UPS rings the bell. "Hold on a minute... I have to put pants and a bra on." I don't say that last part out loud but I curse them for making me put on pants (probably dirty pants). I sweat, and I sweat in unladylike places, and I do it every day. I'm not embarrassed to say that because some of you totally know what I'm talking about. But it just gets a little un-fun sometimes, with the wearing of pants and sweating. Also I sweat in my bra apparently and didn't know it. I put on all these clean clothes the other day and thought, "Why do I still stink?" Well, the one bra I have that fits was being worn when I did laundry and didn't get clean. So I took it off, Febreezed it and put it back on. It's not like I really go anywhere.

People really piss me off. I hate to take to such strong language but it's just how I feel. This usually happens at a store. I mean, I am less then 6 weeks from having a baby, I'm showing, I'm big, I waddle (slightly), I'm slow and always look like I'm in pain and these old biddies still don't get out of my way. I've given into sighing real loud and pushing my cart around them, even if it means running into something in the process. I don't care because YOU AREN'T PREGNANT! I also wish I could put a giant sign on my car that tells everyone I am pregnant, hormonal, and back the hell off! I was tempted to get out of my car at a red light once to go speak to a man about his honking at me (because some other moron couldn't decide which flipping lane to get in and it bothered me). Anyway, I looked over at him, but he never looked my way (knowing full well that he honked at me!) so I decided to stay in my car. It ended my errands early that day. Seriously, I used to give all pregnant women the space and consideration they needed at the grocery store, and even the old people in their scooters who took up the whole aisle, but now I'm over it. I'M OVER IT and I'm not yielding to them anymore!

I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions and have been for 2 weeks now. They feel like menstrual cramps. (I call them "menstrual" cramps because it sounds more sophisticated than "period" cramps. Like it matters what I call them- they're cramps.) They've slowly gained in intensity and I'm not fond of them. I've heard that the beginning of contractions feel like menstrual cramps, and if that's the case I'm not interested. I keep having a vision of myself doubled over on the high school track in a fetal position due to insane cramping during my soccer class. It always came during soccer which I find ironic since the male coaches had no idea how awful it was. Those cramps really hurt. So back to the present... after a day of a few contractions here and there, I made Miguel look into my eyes and I said, "It's going to be bad. It is really going to be bad." I'm afraid he's not prepared.

I've gotten closer to some old friends of mine that I'd been neglecting. Lemon yogurt, toasted turkey sandwiches, watermelon, ice cream, and cereal. Aaaaannnd, most of those are good for me during this trying time in my life so I don't feel guilty about literally eating each of them at least once a day. And since I'm out of ice cream (that happens when you eat it every day) I made a chocolate bundt cake and drizzled cream cheese frosting over it and it is savory. *sigh* I am about to cry thinking about having to count calories in a few short weeks.

I don't cry a lot in the state I'm in (pregnancy, you know). I've had 2 or 3 complete breakdowns, by myself unless you count the concerned cat, and they weren't pretty. Once I even looked at myself in the mirror to see if it looked gross, and the mirror cringed. It usually stems from something that Miguel innocently did or said, but because I expect him to spend his free time with me (only when I want him to) or do simple things around here for me, I get a little upset when he does something otherwise. Then I cry alone, heaving my shoulders up and down uncontrollably, unable to stop, gasping for breath as the cat walks around me trying to figure out what's wrong. Then I'll stop crying, red in the face and exhausted, and I'm overcome with another wave of insensible bawling. It can last for 20 minutes.
*I did this after Miguel invited his mom to dinner that I had specially prepared for him as a sort of surprise. I felt bad for feeling the way I did, but he could tell something was wrong so he uninvited her (even worse); I guess they didn't hold it against me though, he said she said she understood and he needed to spend time with me. (I've been moaning and bitching at him for a while now to spend more time with me doing what I want to do- I don't think that's unreasonable.)
*Another time I did that was after I bought a maternity bathing suit and we had company over at the same time. It was my last day at work (a work day- no kids) and I went to take a bath, while ignoring everyone (I'd already been cordial earlier in the day), and I sobbed quietly in the tub considering returning the Large/Extra Large bathing suit that I'd been resigned to. Miguel successfully did it again, by asking my permission for another guest to come stay with us. I knew he'd already told the person yes, so I had no choice. I could tell Miguel was unnerved, concerned, and very confused, but he didn't know what to do to help. And he couldn't help really. It was all in my head and hormones.
Sssooooo, other than those two very memorable times, I haven't really been a crazed, hormone-driven maniac. I have gotten agitated, annoyed, bothered, pissed off, upset, incredulous, peeved, and I'm sure provoked by all those inconsiderate people in the grocery store. I get teary eyed reading or watching things about dead or severely injured soldiers. I hate that! I also get teary watching the ends of movies where things end happily ever after. But I can't say that I get like that often, and it's probably a good thing.

We went to our first prepared childbirth class last Monday night. I am pleased to announce that I am the most special of all the people there because I am the one closest to her due date. All the others are due in September or October. I'm thinking they'll forget some of the stuff they learned by that time. Anyway, I didn't learn a whole lot last week that I hadn't read in a book except for one very gross and important thing. We can request to see the placenta and attached amniotic sac once the afterbirth has been delivered. GROSS! But, I think we'll take a picture of it if we get the chance to see it. Can you imagine seeing the sac your baby grew in for nine months?? Weird, and gross. I may even share the picture here.

We go again tonight to our class and take a hospital tour. Fortunately for me, I've already been in a labor and delivery room, with my kidney infection and all. I think I'll stand back like a pro and let all the others (especially those uneducated baby daddies who ask crazy questions) take a gander. I do want to see the post birth rooms though. And if people don't get out of my way, I guess I can say, "Hey! Pregnant lady here, trying to get through!" I wonder if it will work?

If I should think of anything else to share, I'll be back to post. I always think of things to post but never want to come and post them because it takes too much effort. Ha.

-Megan, almost a mother